Bukan tentang dekatnya jasad

Bukan tentang dekatnya jasad,

Tapi tentang ruh yang saling mengingat,

& hati yang saling mengikat.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CB5J5ifHDr-/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

*Ya rabb, walaupun barusan aku bilang "denganMu saja itu cukup", tapi tetep yaa, semoga jodohku juga ada di dunia, gak cuma di surga 🥺. Nabi adam aja yang cowok setinggi pohon kelapa tetap butuh & minta pendamping (& Engkau kabulkan!), apalagi aku? ☹️😟😣

Hero challenges🦸🏻‍♀️💪🏻

https://www.instagram.com/p/CJBUgLGMdSA/?igshid=112dgtdmyq7sg

1. Be strong & independent.

 

2. Mark our territory, draw a clear lines & boundaries, set the rule.

3. Standup for myself & family 

4. Be rich. Save our home (stop the leak roof, please, yaa rabb 🥺) & family.

You told me that no one else could ever save me, only You who can. (*through a nap, September 12th, 2020).

& I just accepted the fact that, indeed, no one would come to save me. 

But, Lucky me (& finally), You've made it. I know You're the one who make me strong (through the insight from many "spiritual gurus" on the internet too, jazakallahu khairan 🙏🏻), who helped a helpless & a hopeless person like me to be assertive (or still agressive? sorry then). It's just like a miracle. You made me see, I am able to survive this (trials), all is well, it's gonna be alright. You just made me believe: To be with You alone, it's truly enough.

So I have a confidence now to say: I only hope from You, You know it too. 

You are my only hope, my only "prince charming in the shining armour" that I'm waiting for.

The Most Powerful, the Most Rich, the Best Protector that I could ask for & the Most Merciful of the merciful.

Please help me fix myself, fix all of these things & get through it all.

Please stay with me, protect me, & keep me strong like this, okay?

*Ah jangan, tapi buat aku lebih kuat lagi & lagi & melampauinya 😁. aamiin.

*& yaa latief, duhai yang Maha Lembut, tolong didik aku nya dengan cara yang selembut mungkin, please..?? Kasihani aku, cobaanku kan udah banyak kaan? 🥺.

STRONG & INDEPENDENT

When I just scrolling through comments, I saw this different comment. So relatable. I think Allah want me to see this 😌

I don't have balls (I do have our cat balls though), 

but I promise I will be strong, brave, follow the rule/fiqih muamalah, then stand up for myself & family (& that's mean stand up for justice). Insya Allah. I hope you could always make me strong & never leave me alone. Aamiin.

Kau yang menguatkanku

Bersyukur karena terbukti, Allah memang menguatkanku, membantuku.

Segala puji bagi Allah Tuhan semesta alam.

Malu

Kayaknya gw sering bikin dia malu & risih deh saat gw komen. Dan kayaknya dia gak suka itu 😢.

Makin berkurang

Gw udah sadar ini dari beberapa tahun belakangan, kalo gw udah gak bisa lagi buat nonton film-film romantis.

Padahal dulu gw suka! Gw suka Titanic, twilight, some of taiwan & korean drama.

Drakor apa yg terakhir gw tamatin? Ada beberapa & udah lama, judulnya "modern farmer", "arthdal chronicles" & "vagabond". itupun karena lebih dominan lawaknya/fantasinya/actionnya dibanding percintaannya. "The world of married" kayaknya 1 episode lagi belom gw tamatin, "It's okay not to be okay" masih dipertengahan belum gw lanjutin lagi.

Kayaknya gw iri sekaligus kesel deh. Iri sama Female Leadnya karena biasanya film/series kayak gitu tuh ujungnya happy ending, & ngeliat Female Leadnya diperjuangin sebegitunya sama male lead yang pantang menyerah sampai akhir itu bikin gw nyesek 🥺, dia bisa dapetin jodohnya, apa gw juga bisa? Kapan? 😞

Kalo anak-anak broken home ada yg berpaling kalo ngeliat keluarga yg harmonis, kalo gw sekarang udah sampai di tahap berpaling dari ngeliat pasangan yang harmonis & sefrekuensi yang punya jalan cinta yang manis khas sebuah film/series romantic comedy dengan happy endingnya 😂. Bikin gw sedih, kenapa kisah cinta gw gak semulus mereka & gak pernah happy ending? Gw udah bisa nebak sih jawabannya, tapi tetep aja gw sedih/khawatir.... Semua kekurangan yang masih bisa diperbaiki, apa bisa gw perbaikin sendiri? Semua kelemahan/kekurangan gw yg harus diterima, apa ada yang mau & bisa nerima? 😢

Terus juga gw kesel, kayaknya gak ada deh cowok kayak gitu, gak realistis banget (kalaupun ada, kayaknya dia gak bakal mau sama gw 😭). Jadi semacam racun gitu, bikin cewek-cewek jadi berharap diperlakukan dengan romantis kayak gitu. Padahal mah berapa banyak sih spesies cowok romantis itu? Kayaknya gak banyak. Nemu laki yg baik, setia/gak selingkuh, rajin kerja, tanggung jawab, & gak KDRT aja udah kayak dapat jackpot kan?

*Terus gw harus gimana? Kalo butuh hiburan, gw harus nonton apa? 🥺 Makin lama kayak makin habis interestnya sama hidup.

Maybe I should watch "viking" (To be inspired by their bravery), "star wars", "jurrasic park", finished "the hobbit", "start up" "the crown"?

Like & Dislike

Edit: 14 Desember 2020

LIKE:

+Merasa didengar, dijawab, ditolong, disayang, ditemenin Allah

+ASMR

+Cool weather

+Nature: pine trees, cemara, forest, mountain, beach

+Books

+Webtoon

+Stargazing or watching sky @Balcony

+Weightlifting

+Swinming

+Berendam

+Watching supermodel falling down 😁

+Cat

+Bandung

+All Cheese (ex: blueberry cheese roll pancake)

+Milkshake

+Pizza

+Mie instan 

+Pendap

+Aroma therapy

+Handsome face

+4 Packs or Six packs + Nice biceps, nice body 😁

+Pink, rose gold, tosca, violet, pastel color

+Sodaqoh jariyah, wakaf

+Liat pertunjukan musik (tapi yg ada tempat duduknya)

DISLIKE:

-Gak ngerti maunya Allah

-Kutu, bangsat

-Gak didengar

-Gak merasa nyaman di rumah sendiri & terjebak di dalamnya

-Merasa lemah & gak berdaya

-Nganggur

-Playboy, fuckboy

-Kecoak

-Berisik

-Body shaming

-Judgmental person